Use #2: Sponge-Bath replacement.

I just had surgery in a rather embarrassing spot on my body. Let's just say I've been the butt of many jokes since the procedure. This resulted in (a) Two golfball-sized biohazard masses removed from a posterior my editors are used to kicking, (b) Twelve stitches required to close the surgical extraction point from which Titleist One and Titleist Two emerged, and (c) The nurse's frighteningly ominous instructions of "don't get the incision wet for three days or you'll be sorry" ringing in my ears just as the anesthetic wore off. This predicament led to the discovery outlined here. It seems that these pre-moistened jewels of many uses have the ability to cleanse one thoroughly without using additional water, and offer an element of control not offered by your common household showerhead. Ergo, we have yet another practical use for the outmoded bottom-cleaner --or in this case bottom-avoider! The wipes kill adult body odor as well as they clean poo-poo from baby's bum-bum, and allow me to keep my surgically-compromised bum-bum dressing free of the evil di-hydrogen-oxide (water), which would be next to impossible in the shower. Not to mention, I smell like a kid again.
COST: $0 - we already have the 20-or-so wipes needed each morning (and evening if you're really self-conscious) - having one of those pop-up dispensers left over from diaper duty helps greatly for the bending-over-impaired, too.
SAVINGS: No trips to the doctor to re-do the surgical dressing that you were supposed to keep dry! Think how proud your scary nurse will be!